24 May, 2012


Closing this blog.. I've made a new one! =D do check whats happening in my life at I'll see ya when I see ya! Toodles.

20 April, 2012

little thought

Have u ever felt so unwanted? I think it is the worst feeling ever. Being unwanted is a very painful feeling, cos u thought no one wants you. I'm feeling that now. Once, I thought, that who ever gets my love will be very lucky to have me. But I mean, really? Is that true? I don’t think so now. No one wants me and it hurts me so freaking badly… if only there is I wont be this hurt. I was hurt deeply, and no one really notice that.

28 March, 2012

I have been thinking a lot last night when I had to sleep but I couldn't.
you know what?
I think, All of I did and all the things that I have were wasted, because hey..he never likes me.
I never think about this before, and when I did it breaks me apart.
All of this time, I always believe that he likes me, or at least used to like me and maybe that's the reason why I never be able to forget him for over a year. It is simply because I always have insisted that he would actually go back to me. That feeling or belief is the one that makes me stuck in my past. But I realized, what if he never likes me? what if all of this time he lies? hence, it makes me look so stupid by waiting for someone that wont ever like me.
So all of my efforts and feelings were wasted just like that? WTF.

20 March, 2012

Dear Christine

Dear cebski,

My dearest friend, Christine. Okay I know this sounds so not me but... okay, I am gonna miss you chris. I hope you don't leave, and stay here in Bali, so everytime I got back, I can always see you. But I know it's kinda impossible, that's why it saddens me.
Remember when I first text you? You were so cold, and you get me mad! oh well, you are suppose to be kind to a new friend,aren't you? At that time, I never knew we could become this close you know.
Talking about you,leaving, makes me realize that EVENTUALLY everyone will go. We will be miles apart, in different countries. yes you, Sherlie and Ching Ching,those who are the closest to me in school, those who I always see in every morning assembly, those who I always ate lunch with, we will be drifting apart.
I knew, this time will come, but I never thought it could be this quick.
Remember our Biology class with Jiyoung, Dasomm, Cindy and Yescynta? where there is no teacher and we used to laugh and having fun. Remember when we discuss about 'kandang sapi' near Cindy's house? Turns out, I was wrong and you are right. But I was too embarassed to tell you. heheheheheh Remember in ICT class I sat next to you? hahah it was so funny because every practical test I was always disturbed you to tell me how to do it, and I know it upsets you. Remember,you and Sherlie have this running competition on soccer field? hahahahahhaha oh! and remember when we skipped Biology class and got caught by a teacher we thought was Ms. Angie?
Memories... you know. These were only small part of my memories with you.
Some of them are good, some are bad, but they are great.
And dear christine, let me say thank you.
Thank you for being a great friend, thank you for being there when I need someone to talk to, thank you for always willingly help me, thank you for gave me these beautiful memories, thank you for all those 'rides', thank you chris, thank you so much.
But despite of how sad I am now, I will be happy for you. I know you, leaving, can make you one step closer to what you want to do in your life.
Please take care yourself for me. I don't wanna see you sick. Please eat and sleep well, I'm scared you will study too hard and won't eat. Please don't change, and still be you. A cold christine. Please?
You are such a great person, cebski. I wish nothing but the best for you.

Au revoir.

19 March, 2012

"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." — Marilyn Monroe

Look around you and be happy of what you have.

I realized I don't thank God enough in my life.
I can count how many times I said 'thank you' in my prayer. All i do is keep asking for more and more and more and I'm really sorry for that.
I'm not thankful enough of what I have. Not realize how lucky I am to be me and not as any other person.
I kept looking for more. More friends, even though i have the best in the world. More money, even though I have more than enough to live a life. More love, even though I have a lot.
Well, It is wrong not to be thankful, right?
I think the more I'm not being thankful, the more I lose the meaning of life, which is simply... to be happy of what you already have.
I realized, I am trying my best to make new friends, too busy to hang out with all of them, and forget those who always there when I need them. Realized I always ask for more money from my dad, and forget how fortunate I am to receive it. And lastly, realized that I force myself too hard to look for more love, and forget how many people have showered my life with their love.
Being so avid by searching for more, make me forget of what I have, that's why, from now on I will try to look around me and be happy of what I already have.

Toodles ;)

Little Thought.

Feeling like blogging tonight. It's been a while, isn't it?
During that interval,I've been thinking a lot about many things. About my life and people IN my life, and there comes a point where I started to realize something.
Well, in life, most people want something that don't belong to them, or chase someone who hurt them but in fact, there is always something and someone who is belong and won't hurt them. do you know what I'm trying to say here?
Yes, it is right to fight for something that we want, or to fight for someone that we love but sometimes we don't realize that something that we NEED is already there, or someone who loves us is already there, stood and waiting for us just to come by.
the point that I realized is, in life, we fought a lot, but sometime those fights do not lead us to something that we expect to have or to someone that we wish to be with, but they simply lead us to other thing, to other person that already there and love us.

Well I have been fighting for a long time. Being a tough fighter or even a cry baby, I've been doing it and I feel tired. Well maybe the person who, all this time, I've been fighting for is not the one I've been looking for and I should start to look around my life, and search for him. Search for the one that is waiting for me all this time.

What about you?