I always able to manage myself. always able to control myself. I think I'm a very good controller. Well, sometimes people called me bossy. But whatever you know.
I hate it when things did not happen like the way I want them to be, well because it is out of my control. So do I hate it when I couldn't control my own feeling.
It has been 2 years. The gap. 2 years since I made it through. I was so fully-controlled by myself. But you never know what happen. And so it happened. Thing that I was afraid the most, happened. I do sometimes blame myself, simply because I was unable control my feeling.
But I realized something, you know why am I being hard toward myself about this control thingy? Simply, because I was too afraid to get hurt.
Well, I've learned not to expect things, because the more you expect, the higher chance you will be disappointed. And by being able to control myself, for me, it was sort of a prevention you know. Being able to control myself, I know exactly what to expect. Exact and precisely. it gives me sense of security. Because I know I will not get hurt.