13 August, 2011
Really, i have no idea what to write. Million things came out from my mind, but still i couldn't even put it together. so please, do forgive me for being so stupid.
Well, lets start with this, how are you? I hope you are doing fine out there. I am everyday wondering how are you doing, what did you eat, or did you sleep well. i always think about you.everyday and every night before i go to sleep. Did you ever think about me?
How's your life? My life is okay. Not great, not amazing, not bad, it is just.....okay. I still go to the same school, still go with school bus. nothing has really changed, except the fact that people left, that you left. I still join business class. Still sit near elgine, but what is really changed is no more you.I remember in my first business class, you sit behind me and the first thing you said when I asked you, who are you, you said that you are 'that' person who sit behind me in business class. did you ever notice that somehow you always-almost actually-sit behind me every business class? please, correct me if i'm wrong. te he.
The day you left, would you believe me that I was in the airport? would you believe me, if i say that I was in my car,too scared to get out because I have no guts to say goodbye to you? I wish i have the strength that day, so at least I can see you for the last time. But you know i don't, so I sent you a message, that you never received because of that stupid provider. How i wish you receive that message, so at least i can hear you say goodbye to me. But all of those things I wish might happen, did not happen at all. it is sad you know.. it is.
And, dear you, I miss you like shit. You don't know how much I suffer after you left. Every day. Every single night. Every time I think about you, I feel like want to cry. I always want to cry.
Everytime I pray, I always ask Him, how are you. cos I have no idea how are you doing. I ask Him to always look after you, because I no longer could. And after a month you left, I still crying. I am crying while I wrote this. I am crying when I saw you online in YM. do you know why? because I am too scared to do everything. I don't want to be disappointed with your response, too scared that you might think I am just nobody in your life, that i might am.
No one is actually there for me when you left. do you know how it feels? it feels like.. I am so lonely in this world. No one takes it seriously, nobody. and I expect them to do nothing cos they don't understand.
I know i cant live like this forever, i know i cant. I decided to get out from your life forever. No access for you to reach me. But not now. It is not the right time, cos I am not ready. I have no idea, how my life would be without you. Give me a little bit longer, And I will completely let you go. I promise this to myself.
It is a letter for you, actually. But as you know, I am too scared to tell this directly to you, so I wrote it here. You might not be able to read this, because you did not even know that it is exist or you might read this, but I was gone already. I have no idea what will happen. but, who knows? I didn't expect any reply.. I wrote this just to let you know what truly happen to me, what I truly feel. you might don't want to know anything about me anymore, and that's fine, but it is a big deal for me, so i hope if you find this you'll willing to read the whole thing.
I never be able to say thank you to you. so now I will. thanks for being nice to me, I always thought you are the first person who really care about me in my first year, thanks for used to love me, even though you told me 3 times that you didn't anymore, thanks for those late conversations at night which always make me laugh, thanks for all the cares you gave to me, it is such a sweet thing from you, and thanks for being a part of my life. I am really thankful and I hope you know that.
You are such an amazing person. I hope your life will be better from now on.
I have no idea when will we meet again, or it might be that we will never meet for forever. but I hope we will meet again someday, when everything is so much easier than now, when we are on the same road, when you understand me. I guess its time to say goodbye.. please take care of yourself for me, don't do silly things, eat and sleep well. I hope we can meet again soon.
PS : I still love you.
It took me almost a month to write this.
Diposkan oleh bootsybetsy di 8:58:00 PM